Growing Up

I broke up with my driver today. It had been coming for a while. It was..nice. He understood exactly what I said and we are both pretty committed to maintaining our relationship as friends. Thank God. He is another one of the best people I have ever met. He has such a huge heart and he loves so well. I am completely confident and safe in my knowledge of his love for me. He just wasn't in love with me anymore.
I wonder if some of the people who come into my life really are there to teach me something and vice versa. I mean, with Chris, maybe the first time around neither of us was ready. Maybe we had some stuff to learn. All I know is that I am so happy to have him back in my life. I talk to him almost every day. When my car broke down, he stepped right up and offered me a hand. And when I opened the front door and saw him for the first time in 2 years, I felt whole.

There are so many times when I feel like I might be the figment of someone else's imagination. Maybe it is the alien thing. I don't necessarily feel like I belong. I think I fake it well but what do I know?

I love a man. And his daughter. And his dogs. And I am terribly afraid that I will let him tromp all over me because of that love. Because I'm afraid of not seeing K or Peach or Danish.
There are so many times when I wonder if there is anyone who really cares about ME. I care about so many people and their feelings and how they might perceive things. But it doesn't seem that there is anyone who thinks like that about me. Am I even normal for putting others so far ahead of myself? And if I am not, would I ever want to be?? As hard on my heart as this is, would I want to be the person who thinks about themself first and foremost? I like that part of me that wants to take care of everyone that I care about. But when it is not reciprocated over and over again, it makes me doubt myself.
And at the same time, I am loved in such weird ways. My welder still loves me. And my Brian. I have loved him since I was 16 years old. I am so happy to have him in my life again. And I know he is equally happy because he is the one who does the majority of the contacting.
But then my driver... I just don't understand him most of the time. And he thinks we are so completely different that it would never work in the long run. He even broke up with me for a spell. That was horrid. My heart felt like it was gone. It was different than with Chris. With Chris, I was in tears all the time. With my driver, it just felt like i didn't have a heart anymore. I am so thankful that he realized he does love me. I KNOW that he is terrified of having his heart broken again. He is so scared of being hurt. But how do you convince someone that you have no intention of hurting them? You can't..